The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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