I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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