At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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