Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
