You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
