I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
