did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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