also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
