a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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