There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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