you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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