he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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