There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
