we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
