Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
