so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
