Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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