he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
