i think my tv is drunk
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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