Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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