Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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