Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
