I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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