Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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