I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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