My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
