If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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