he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
