I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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