i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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