I hate your face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
