I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
two words...techno handjob
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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