did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
