Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize