i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
