Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Randomize
