I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
