Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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