I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
