i permit you to call me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm at about main and main street
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
