Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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