You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
