So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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