In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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