the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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