Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
