If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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