between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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