found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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