just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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