3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
