All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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