I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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