speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
