apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
