I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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