Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
