Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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