Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
