Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
