As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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