the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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