Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
