Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry capone88 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

Fav 22 1749 11938
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

Fav 13 4134 1355
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Fav 9 4619 1131
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

(301): View more from Maryland

Did you reintroduce yourself?

(407): View more from Florida

He threatened to call the cops.

Fav 8 993 2306
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.

Fav 3 2150 1095
share tweet
(662): View more from Mississippi

So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

In some strange universe, yes

Fav 7 1908 745
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

(312): View more from Illinois

So... He's a barber?

(847): View more from Illinois

No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

Fav 1 1748 1001
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(901): View more from Tennessee

I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.

Fav 2 647 674
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.

Fav 0 50 14
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT